What do you believe in?

I believe in the Tooth Fairy. Years ago, I received money for every tooth I lost as a kid. I would put the tooth under my pillow and there was money in its place the next morning! It has to be true!

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I believe in Santa Claus. Every Christmas as a child, he delivered presents only to the good boys and girls. Each Christmas, as a very good little boy, I received a present so it must be true!

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I believe in the Easter Bunny. Much like Santa Claus, there were always Easter eggs and chocolates hidden around the house when I was a kid. Something had to leave it there. It had to be the Easter Bunny so it has to be true!

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I believe in the Great Pumpkin, who flies through the air every Halloween with his bag of toys to give to the children. He picks the pumpkin patch that is most sincere where he rises. Linus says this is true so it has to be true!

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I believe in the Fairy Godmother! It hasn’t happened yet, but I believe she will grant my wishes and I will marry a stunningly gorgeous millionaire nymphomaniac who owns a chair of liquor stores!

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I believe there are little gnomes who hide in the house all day to come out at night to take your keys and hide them in the couch. There can be no other explanation for this so it has to be true!

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I believe there are little green men on Mars ready to destroy the world. There are literally millions of people in the world who believe this so who I am to argue with them? It has to be true!

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I believe that Rip Van Winkle slept 20 years to awake to a different world. How else do you explain some of the decisions made in the House of Commons if these men and women aren’t sleeping for long periods of time?

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I also believe that gas prices at the pumps will go down, taxes will decrease, and humans will no longer pollute this planet!

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I believe in the Sasquatch. Of course, there are big hairy apes roaming the woods all over Western Canada and the US. They are especially prevalent after all-night drinking parties and experimental drug use!

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I believe in Count Dracula and vampires. How else do you explain Revenue Canada?

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I believe in earth is flat. If it was round the water would run over the edge, right? Common sense prevails!

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I believe the old tale if you pull out one grey hair two will replace it. I now this is true because I saw Mrs. [ahem, cough, cough, gasp, gasp!] on the street the other day!

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

I believe my grandparents lived in a world that was only black and white. I never saw a photo of any of them as a child that was in colour so it has to be true! I think colour came around about 1945!

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

Last but not least, I actually believe that someday, somewhere, somehow, through the most bizarre chain of events in history, that the Toronto Maple Leafs will win the Stanley Cup.

But I don’t believe Justin Trudeau!

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